Thank you, Mary Pipher

Recently a close friend's parent from my childhood passed away. This parent holds a special place in my heart. When I reflected on my relationship with her I referred to her as my "other Mother". During her last few weeks I considered my current relationship with my own close friend's children, and stepped into a generational placement seeing myself as her. This empathy brought both joy, and intense grief. Since her passing, every couple of weeks I find myself returning to her online journal, thinking I might find something new, but knowing that her presence is now only available to us in dispersed energy.

During her last months as she battled with cancer (#fuckcancer) I purchased a copy of Mary Pipher's book Women Rowing North. I had heard a short interview with Pipher on NPR in the spring and thought that the book might help me feel closer in spirit to my other Mother, and better understand what she might be going through, even though I could not be physically present.

In addition to some of the feelings and learning I experienced while reading the book - there's a specific single quote I want to share from the book:
Ageism is prejudice against one's own future self

As a person who hopes to be kind and inclusive, and surround herself by other people with the same mindset, this sentence knocked me on my ass. When I reflected on my experiences and behavior through my late teens to thirty-somethings I realized that all along, I most certainly had been exhibiting ageist tendencies in both my personal and professional life.

Among other things, the book talks about life, death, relationships, joy, grief, and self-acceptance. Much of the content is based on narratives about individuals whom Pipher interviewed.

The most important things I feel I personally learned in reading the book were:
  • Recognize ageism as a bias.
  • Don't assume older people to be frail, unwilling, or incapable. Continue to empower them and help them live their best lives.
  • Accept and adapt to the changes in your physical and metal self as you age.
  • Accept yourself for who you are but also always strive to be a kinder version of yourself.
So, thank you Mary Pipher for teaching me this bit of wisdom and helping me feel closer to my other Mother at the end of her journey in this life.

Stay tuned for the emailing of our annual year end letter care of Mr. Canerican.

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